It was during the training seminar on domestic violence prevention and combating, conducted within ‘Protection and Empowerment of Human Trafficking and Domestic Violence Victims in Moldova’ project, when Raisa M., 48, decided to approach one of the specialists and recount her story. It is a sad, yet touching, story about an intelligent woman with a liable position in the village, who has long helped domestic violence victims to fight this phenomenon, but who had no courage to do the same herself.
Raisa’s first marriage did not work well. Her husband was jealous of her success and left her going abroad and abandoning their two daughters with no support or financial help. Over two years after leaving her husband, she decided to retune her life. While being at the sanatorium, she met Vasile, “a handsome prince to face, but rotten at heart”, as she would later realize. “He was a nice looking and friendly man, who made gifts, brought flowers, managed to convince me he was the best on earth. He told he was in the process of divorce and he did not have luck in life. I believed and accepted him.”
Vasile began visting Raisa, taking her to his relatives’ family reunions and to meetings with his friends. Being handsome and gallant, it did not take long him to enter the family and get the trust of all. After a while, however, Raisa began discovering his true face. „He was very jealous, and had a habit of coming sometimes to my house late at night, knock on windows disturbing my children. He never moved to my apartment to live together. Although he proposed to me, I decided not to follow this step”.
When she realized what kind of a person he was, Raisa tried to distance from him and to end the relationship. However, the man became violent. “So many blows did I receive during those years, so many forests and fields did I walk through. I was so humiliated. Once, when he hit me very hard and left, a friend of mine, who was a bridesmaid at my wedding, came suddenly to me and, finding me in that condition, transported me to hospital”, the woman is saying with eyes full of tears. She added, “It later became clear that Vasile had shamelessly lied to me that he had never been married, and his wife and two children were desperately crying at home.”
Along with physical violence, Vasile was abusing her psychologically. He had a lot of friends who worked in the police office, who he was telling possible and impossible things to, so no one desired to seriously intervene into this case. “It is the card game. Today they fight, tomorrow they are in love again”, this is what women from the village or the police were telling her every time she addressed them for help.
Finally, after a year of smothering in this labyrinth, Raisa realized that she could not expect anything more from that relationship, that Vasile would not change ever and that she needed to find a solution to deliberately distance herself from him. “My victory occurred when I met Ion Oboroceanu, a lawyer within ‘Protection and Empowerment of Human Trafficking and Domestic Violence Victims in Moldova’ project. It happened during the training seminar held within this project where I participated as a member of the multidisciplinary team from my village. Although I was embarrassed to admit that I was assaulted by my partner, I could find courage to tell my story and ask for help, which, in a certain way, changed my life”.
Raisa was consulted by several project specialists, receiving legal, psychological and informational aid from the multidisciplinary team. The multidisciplinary team involves medics, social workers, police officers, properly trained to intervene in such cases. Raisa was urged to file a complaint against the aggressor, which is the first step required in this sense. “Although Vasile tried to threaten and scare me, I resisted, because I realized that I was not alone at that time, and I had experienced professionals behind me ready to address such specific cases”.
Ion Oboroceanu, lawyer at the Law Centre in Causeni, says that only by a simple intervention of a multidisciplinary team member the abuser was put in his place. This shows that the project results are visible and sustainable. “It is important that all violence actors take liability and fulfill obligations properly, according to the Law. We are convinced that violence can be stopped if we are competent and have the desire to change things for the better”.
Vasile has not visited Raisa for two months already. Although she is still haunted by the fear and trembles at the sound of every gate creak, she tries hard to keep on being brave and forget the ordeal she had to go through. She has two daughters whom she considers to be her life’s achievement, whom she is proud of, and who she sees a point in living for.
“I retrieve myself at work as well. I work hard because I want to help people live a better life. I hope my personal life will be arranged soon. I am very grateful to have met such people, who have supported me when I needed help the most. For the women who are suffering from their abusing spouses or partners, who do not see any hope in the future, such an intervention means rescue from perdition and way forward“, confidently states Raisa.
- Irina Lipcanu -
